Why a Christmans tree is better than a man/woman

This is from a friend in Hong Kong.
He is clear these have been making the rounds for a number of years. Still, they are funny.
So read these over and have a happy holiday.

Five Reasons why a Christmas Tree is Better Than a Woman
5. You only have to dress a Christmas tree once a year.
4. You don’t have to talk to the tree about your relationship with it.
3. A Christmas tree is happy with cheap plastic accessories.
2. When it gets a bit old and tatty, you just leave it outside on the curb and someone takes it away.
And the number one reason why a Christmas tree is better than a woman:If you want a Christmas tree you go out and grab one, tie it up, and throw it in the back of your car.

Five Reasons why a Christmas Tree is Better Than a Man
5. A Christmas tree smells better
4. A Christmas tree only drinks water
3. A Christmas tree never tries to get into your bed and suggests "trying something new".
2. You can make a Christmas tree cute by covering it with tinsel
And the number one reason a Christmas tree is better than a man: A Christmas tree doesn't get mad if you stand on one of its balls.

Dec. 5: A Day of Rejoicing

Let's hear it for Dec. 5.

It was on this date in 1933 that the United States came to its senses and repealed Prohibition.

The 21st Amendment was ratified this day 74 years ago.

I can't tell you hoe much Elmira and I appreciate the actions.

Besides being able to finally buy our hooch -- only selling alcohol was illegal under the 18th Amendment, not drinking -- without looking over our shoulders. (Yeah, I am older than your might think.)

Prohibition should have proved that trying to legislate morality is a failed policy. But that doesn't stop true believers from trying.

Interesting note about the 21st Amendment, it is the only Amendment to the U.S. Constitution to repeal another amendment.

A recent survey by the Freedom Forum showed that 38 percent of the people surveyed thought the First Amendment should be changed to ban flag burning.

Support from that group dropped 15 percent once they were told to do so would be the first time any portion of the freedoms in the First Amendment were amended.

Happy Hanukkah

To properly celebrate Hanukkah the folks I live with pulled out a Tom Lehrer album. Seems the sage of the 6os with such great hits as POISONING PIGEONS IN THE PARK and POLLUTION and THE MASOCHISM TANGO also had a tune for the Festival of Lights.

I couldn't find a way to send the full version with music -- that would be violating a dozen different laws -- but here are the words to the song.

I'm spending Hanukkah in Santa Monica
Wearing sandals, lighting candles by the sea
I spent Shavuos in East Saint Louis
A charming spot but clearly not the spot for me...

Those eastern winters, I can't endure 'em
So every year I pack my gear and come out here til Purim
Rosh Hashona I spend in Arizona
And Yom Kippah way down in Mississippah

But in December there's just one place for me
Mid the California flora I'll be lighting my menorah
Like a baby in its cradle I'll be playing with my draydel
Here's to Judas Maccabeus, Boy if he could only see us

Spending Hanukkah, in Santa Monica, By the Sea!


And just for fun here is a very funny FLASH version of Lehrer's song, The Elements.
http://www.privatehand.com/flash/elements.html

Enjoy and Happy Hanukkah

65 Years ago in Ypsi

In my constant yearning to get back to Ypsilanti it seems natural for this to come up.

Not only is the Willow Run plant just a hop skip and jump from where I really belong -- after all I am not called Texas Dan -- the plant is also where the woman who put me together once worked.

Yep, Laura -- she of many married names -- once worked in the WIllow Run bomber plant. Seems she left an earlier job because of what would now be called sexual harassment. Unfortunately all she could do back then was change jobs.

Anyway, here is the story of the bomber plant:

November 28, 1942

First Ford bomber is producedOn this day, the first production Ford bomber, the B-24 Liberator, rolled off the assembly line at Ford's massive Willow Run plant in Ypsilanti, Michigan.

Two years before, U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt had urged an isolationist America to prepare for its inevitable involvement in the war, declaring that U.S. industry must become "the great arsenal of democracy." Roosevelt established the Office of Production Management (OPM) to organize the war effort, and named a former automotive executive co-director of the OPM.

Most Detroit automobile executives opposed the OAW during its first year, and were dubious of the advantages of devoting their entire production to war material. However, on December 7, 1941, the Japanese attacked Pearl Harbor, and American citizens mobilized behind the U.S. declaration of war against the Axis powers. Since profit ruled Detroit, the government made Ford and America's other automakers an economic offer they could not refuse.

For their participation in the war effort, automakers would be guaranteed profits regardless of production costs, and $11 billion would be allocated to the building of war plants--factories that would be sold to private industry at a substantial discount after the war. In February of 1942, the last Ford automobile rolled off the assembly line for the duration of the war, and soon afterward the Willow Run plant was completed in Michigan. Built specifically for Ford's war production, Willow Run was the largest factory in the world. Using the type of assembly line production that had made Ford an industrial giant, Ford hoped to produce 500 B-24 Liberator bombers a month.

After a gradual start, that figure was reached in time for the Allied invasion of Western Europe, and by July of 1944, the Willow Plant was producing one B-24 every hour. By the end of the war, the 43,000 men and women who had worked at Ford's Willow Run plant had produced over 8,500 bombers, which unquestionably had a significant impact on the course of the war.

Lisa off for Brazil -- Again

Things have been quiet lately but there is some cool news.

I heard that the lady of the house is heading off for Brazil today (11/26) as part of a Congressional delegation to look at ethanol related issues.

Seems she is flying with the congressmen on Air Force Two. Yep, the same plane that has taken Dick Cheney to many "undisclosed locations" and sites for shooting old men in the face.

Here is a picture of the plane. It is a military configured Boeing 757. Lisa says seating is like business class, even for the peons, such as her and the other staffers on the flight.

The trip will be for one week. Then, I hear she turns around and goes again for a conference around December 11.

Update from TE

This place has been a bit quiet lately so let me fill you in on what I have heard from my perch just outside the kitchen and family room of my current hosts.

To start with, the real bread winner (rye and pumpernickel -- none of that Wonder Bread crap) lost out on her ambassadorship. Seems politics and the the impact of a poor policy in a certain far-away country ended up helping someone else. (Qualifications and talent are still having a hard time bubbling to the top.)

So now she is out looking for another job. She is in the running for a couple of good jobs outside the country. We'll just have to see what happens.

Over all, however, things are a bit depressing.

Of course, if she does get a job abroad I will have to find a new home.

As mentioned in earlier postings, I am seen as a bit of threat. So maybe it is time to change the rules and let the next generation learn of the joys of having a once-a-year bather and is mule stay a while.

On with the news.

The adult slacker, sorry, husband of the bread winner, picked up an extra class to teach this term. Seems a teacher needed major surgery just before classes began so the hubby here got the gig.

Slowly he is catching up on what he has to do for the class. So far so good I keep hearing.

Guess the school thing is working out for the older kid.

I hear occasional snippets of phone conversations and I noticed last month the whole group -- including the dog -- were gone for a few days. When the crew got back they were minus two people.

Seems the BW had to go overseas for a conference and that left junior going off to college.

The BW and hubby will probably go up to the school some time in October to deliver a few extra dorm goodies and to see the campus when it is full of students.

From what I hear junior is doing fine and making some interesting new friends. Seems there are some students in his new school that know come from other countries where the family once lived. Junior and these new acquaintances have mutual friends from the various international schools.

The remaining son is in his last year of high school. He's got a solid and hard class load but seems to handling it well so far.

He is looking seriously at other small liberal arts schools. He may even be looking further north.

The fact that both these guys want to go to schools in the frozen north must be some kind of reaction to having lived in tropic zones for the past seven years. Personally, I don't see it. I like my gold prospecting done in the heat. None of that Robert Service/Sam McGee/Dan McGrew stuff for me. ('tain't being dead -- it's my awful dread of the icy grave that pains)

(Well maybe one poem that does strike my fancy: The Three Bares)

So that's it.

Write if you get work. (Or quit it.)

Which way did he go?

Ran across something to bring back those old Detroit memories of all the folks who have taken care of me.

And it fits right in with my rootin' tootin' wild west way of living!

http://detroitkidshow.com/TheFaygoKid.wmv

Ed visits Fallingwater and then college

Never one to really enjoy water -- we all know what fish do in it -- I went with my hosting family to see the Frank Lloyd Wright gem, "Fallingwater."

The house, in western Pennsylvania, is beautifully built over the Bear Run. It is right over a small waterfall and set of rapids along the Run.

The quick and dirty of the house is that it was designed in 1935 for the Edgar Kaoufmann family of Pittsburgh. Kaufmann was the owner of Pittsburgh's major department store. (It was later bought out by the May and then Federated Companies.) As usual for a Wright structure it was a design no one thought would ever word, it was not what the owner thought was going to happen, and it was way over budget.

You can read more about the house at the Western Pennsylvania Conservancy web site. The WPC owns Fallingwater and teh accompanying land. At least they make it easy to reserve times for the tour and at a reasonable price. (Unlike going to the Wright sites in Wisconsin.)

Fortunately for me the only water was what was flowing below and through the house. I did not have to drink it.

I was thinking about how hard it would be to spend the rest of my life drinking water. I always figured that after all the miles water travels in pipes and such it really can't be that clean. That is why I have always accepted the idea that properly processed water is good for you.

And we all know the proper way to properly process water -- or at least a liquid -- is to heat it up and then drink the distilled product. By itself distilled water offers no taste so the distilling process should include some sort of grain, corn, or even potatoes.

After Fallingwater the whole group kept moving west to Hiram, Ohio.

Yep, All the Washington Kubiskes, Minia and Lutsen loaded into their SUV (along with about 800 pounds of other goodies) went to Hiram College in Hiram, Ohio -- near Cleveland -- to take Philip to school.

He is starting his first year at Hiram after taking a year off after high school to teach scuba diving in the Dominican Republic. And, because his graduating school was in the DR, he is enrolled as an international student. So he decided to attend the orientation sessions for the "real" international students.

Phil could benefit from some of the sessions. Many of them are designed to explain US law and customs to the students. After living overseas for the past 8 years, Phil may have forgotten some of the finer points of living in the States. Expecially important is that cops in the US usually take bribe attempts seriously and that the laws are not fungible.

So he is now in Hiram getting ready to start a whole new life.

Texas Ed supports good causes

Back in June I went up to New York to take part in a dinner and auction for Urban Pathways.

Urban Pathways is a group that raises money to help the homeless with programs and housing that will get off the street and into jobs.

Lisa's father supported UP heavily in his final years. One of the last activities Ivan did was arrange a fundraiser for UP to build a new house to help the homeless. Because of his work, the group named the house after Ivan. (See the picture on the right.)

Whenever Lisa, Dan, and the boys are in New York they visit the Ivan Shapiro House to see how things are going. each time the staff and residents -- once they learn who Lisa is -- happily talk about how the house has changed their lives and how much they appreciated Ivan's support of Urban Pathways. There is always a photo if Ivan behind the registration desk with a black silk sash attached on an angle over the bottom half of the picture.

Anyway, in June we went up to the dinner and met other people who share Ivan's support for the program.

Urban Pathways got lots of New York organizations to donate some really great gifts for their auction. But before the dinner and auction began, Lisa, her sister (Alex), and her step-mother were called up to receive a special award of appreciation on the 10th anniversary of the opening of the Shapiro House.

On the left is a picture of the three with Alex's cousin, Penny, showing off the award.

Of course they kept me out of sight most of the time. Something about the way I was dressed and the fact that I was accompanied by a mule. (Although some political types were there so I figured jackasses were allowed.)

During one of the rounds of auction bidding I was able to sneak close to the table where Lisa and her relatives were sitting.

As you can see they kept trying to refuse to acknowledge my presence.

Still, it was a fun evening. Any time we can get to the big city is great. You never know how much a soft bed and a shower is appreciated until you've spent a lot without.

Come to think of it, maybe I do have more in common with the folks who Urban Pathways try to help than one might think.

Updates coming soon

Things have been a bit busy for good ole' TE and Elmira.

Been lots of places and seen lots o' things.

Expect to see a few reports from around the world shortly.

Enough is enough!

Dadgummit!

The weather started getting nice. The daffodils were poking out -- some even blooming -- and BAM!

We got about 3 inches of snow back in early March.

I was willing to let this go as just another freak of nature. I have heard that the Washington area often gets snow the first week of March and sometimes it can be a big snow. (But I have heard that a "big snow" in Washington means anything more than half an inch.)

So schools get delayed. Programs get cancelled. And people panic.

Just look how much snow is on the car. Just a dusting! But the roads were ice covered and most people here don't know how to drive in anything except during clear weather. (And even then that is questionable for many.)

Within 24 hours of the early March snow temperatures shot up. Within 72 hours it was all melted and gone.

Then can the Ides of March.

Let's get real folks. By mid-March in the Washington area precipitation is supposed to be rain not snow.

But who pays attention to such silly rules?

Beginning sometime the night between the 15th and 16th rain started as temperatures dropped to sub-freezing. Then later in the day the rain became sleet and then snow.

By the morning of the 17th the area was covered with about a half inch of snow, sleet, and ice.

The picture on the left was taken early Saturday morning.

Fortunately the roads remained clear because of the heavy traffic but the sidewalks are more like ice rinks.

That shiny part of the driveway is indeed ice. The home owner slipped along the driveway trying to get the newspapers. (Yes, there are still people who read newspapers every day.)

As this missive is being typed the temperatures are moving up past the freezing level and will hopefully melt the ice.

But this is just plain wrong.

It's not like this is Michigan or any of those other deep-freeze states where ice remains on the lakes well into June. This is a place that seriously believes ice should only be something used to chill a martini.

(As an aside, I have heard that Washington has a hockey team. Seems this really upsets the folks who live here. I keep hearing that the only cities that should be allowed to have a hockey team are those in locations were people can play hockey outdoors for at least two months out of the year.)

This is just what the area needs. Slippery roads and cold weather in an area where people don't know how to handle snow/ice or cold.

Why is this so dangerous this week?

Hello!

It's St. Patrick's Day. With the possible exception of the World Cup or any rugby sevens competition there is no other time when people think they have a license to drink to excess.

The owners of the house are going the other way Saturday night.

They are getting together with Jessica and Kevin (to see when they are getting a new house so I can come and visit) for dinner and a basketball game. They are going to watch the local pro team -- forget the college finals -- and have Mongolian BBQ just around the corner from the arena.

Oh, and one last thing...

This d--n weather is so cold Elmira and I are having a hard time not shivering ourselves to death.

We are kept outside in the "sun room" but at 2:00 in the morning with sub-freezing temperatures there is NO SUN!

What's next? Keeping us out in 100 degree temps come this summer?

If anyone out there wants to protect Elmira and me from freezing or melting, please let my hosts know. I am sure they will do all they can to expedite my travel.

The Travels of Texas Ed -- The Secret Years

I tell you, ever since I came to the DC area it has been one exciting thing after another.

But it's not as if I haven't had exciting times in the past. Fortunately for me most of the people I stayed with were totally oblivious when I disappeared for days, weeks, and months. They must have figured I was shipped off to someone else or ended up in the village dump or just kept in a box in the garage.

To prove I did lots of interesting things before, here are some pictures that I kept in a secret location only to be revealed today.

As you can see that about 30 years ago I was part of the team that sold sophisticated weapons to our new best friend. The various Republican administrations were embarrassed to have some one who was not part of the "country club" set so prominent in the picture so they airbrushed me out of all the official pictures. Saddam also had me taken out of the pictures because he said I "smelled funny." I find that odd because I smell with my nose just like everyone else.

Anyway, now the history books can be set straight. I was there when when we were all buddies and when U.S. weapons and know how made this guy a powerhouse in the region.

To make up for keeping me out of this and other historic pictures (I'll show those off another day) the President invited me to join him and Laura for a party.

I can't remember what event this was but you can clearly see that we were all having a good time.

But once again, these guys never wanted to admit I existed. What the public saw from this picture were airbrushed inserts of the Bush twins.

Some one told me the president was concerned that being seen with me too much in public would remind the people of his hard drinking days. Well, I am here to tell you that no matter how hard a drinker everyone said he was, he was strictly an amateur when it came to me and Elmira. If anything, I should be ashamed to be seen in public with such a weak drinker.

Some one from the CIA said the Bushes were also afraid of being seen as being too close to me because of a trip I made. Now I didn't know that anyone would take this picture, but it's still kind of nice of me and Elmira, don't you think?

I can understand why any U.S. politician would be afraid of being seen as being too close to some one who was that close to the Dear Nutcase. But we really aren't that close.

What happened was I ran into his son in Macao and helped him out of some troubles he was having with the Triads that ran some of the gambling houses there. My gold mine is still VERY profitable and I was once in debt and had some troubles that I won't go into right now but I decided to help this guy who seemed down on his luck. Who knew he was the eldest son of the Dear Nutcase!

Anyway, Elmira and I were invited to attend one of the many parades and events put on by the Dear Nutcase to show the North Korean people how well they have it.

When I got back there were some in the Congress, however, who thought I did the right thing by visiting North Korea and talking to the Dear Nutcase.

I was invited to speak before Congress. But again, the administration wanted to make sure no one knew about this so even though I have the pictures to prove it, there is nothing in the Congressional Record to show I ever spoke there.

You will have to judge for yourself about the authenticity of my claim. Here I am after making a particularly funny point at the expense of the House Clerk. And you know it either had to be funny because the VP is smiling.

All these great events happened with out my families knowing anything about the travels. At least with my current family I am encouraged to go out and see what is going on.

Elmira and I zipped over to Chicago recently to see what this guy Obama was all about. You can see us on the bridge behind him. Pretty interesting character.

We figured we better not leave out the other main contender in the Democratic Party race so we zipped up to New Hampshire to see what Hillary Clinton was all about.

I was fortunate to get a front row seat at a Clinton function. Elmira had to sit closer to the door. Someone muttered something about not trusting a mule to know when to get the bathroom on time. Elmira was impressed with Clinton but not so much with her insensitive staff. After all, Elmira told me later, she is a lot closer in DNA to the Democratic Party's mascot than most of the other people at that function. (When I pointed out that a couple of aides, including the ones who insulted Elmira, might actually be closer, she agreed.)

The Democrats tried to make it up to Elmira. I guess her braying and complaining paid off.

We got a call from the new Speaker of the House of Representatives. It wasn't a big deal or anything but Elmira did get a picture with Nancy Pelosi. We are waiting for an autographed copy so Elmira can put it on her side of the lamp shade and start her own vanity wall like you see in all the Congressional offices.

The other nice thing that happened was that Pelosi promised to put Elmira in touch with the leadership of the Democrats Senate and Congressional campaign committees. Seems they've been trying for years to get a representative of the party's symbol to put before the public. Elmira noted that explained the John Kerry campaign. Nancy just rolled her eyes but I swear she mutters, "Got that right."

Lastly, I went with my family to Mt. Vernon yesterday (Sunday, Feb. 18, just before Presidents' Day). The Secret Service was setting up for a ceremony that was to include President Bush. One agent came over and asked for my identification. I showed him by jug of hootch -- that's how everyone else knows me. And it seems this agent knew me too. I guess I am on the White House's "Keep this guy as far away from the president as possible" list.

He was nice enough to let me see George Washington's mansion but I had to promise not to be anywhere near Mt. Vernon on Presidents' Day.

Hey, the winds were howling and the thermometer was stuck somewhere around 15F yesterday with today not expected to look much better. Why would I even consider going back out again?

Well, that's enough for today.

As I find more pictures of my historic trips, I'll post them on this site.

The Hell with it!

As soon as I finished the previous posting the whole Bear operation fell apart.

	COLTS (16-4)					29
	BEARS (15-4)					17

Well, let's face it the whole operation was in trouble any way.

So the renegade Colts won.

Big whoop!

Let's hear it for the Super Bowl!

Let's hear it for Da Bears!

Gotta admit that touchdown on the kick off was pretty cool. After that, well Elmira and I just settled down to have some of the Buffalo wings, Chinese dumplings, egg rolls, and piles of other way too fattening stuff.

The folks I watched the game with actually paid attention to the game. And if you know this household you know that they watch the game just for the commercials.


In fact seems Dan got a call from his sister two minutes into the game. She said she figured it would be safe to call him because he would not be watching the game. Boy was she surprised!

Any way, this house is for Da Bears. Seems there is some hostility against the Colts (Elmira's team -- hey what can I say, she has delusions of grandeur.) Seems the Colts sneaked out of Baltimore leaving only the Deadskins -- sorry the Redskins -- as the only football team in the area.

Of course later B'more got the Ravens and (in a really bitter moment) the Colts took them out of contention for the finals.

Looking at this game reminds of the time we made our first big strike.

It was raining cats and dogs. (And that was fortunate. We ran out of food so we gathered up the cats and dogs for dinner. I always knew knowing taking that Chinese cooking lesson would pay off.) Any way, the rain came down so hard it was stripping the mountain side. And lo and behold lots of pretty yellow rocks came down as well.

We just scooped them up and headed into town to cash in our wealth. First thing we bought was a poke for future fortunes.

More later after the games. The Bears are finally holding on to the ball and moving down field.

Any way, this is being done just 5 minutes into the second half.

Celebrating a great birthday

Got a visitor today.

Edgar Allan Poe came by to see me. Actually I think he came by to have a bit of my hootch. AS you can see he got nice and close to my jug.

You may not know it but Edgar and I have a lot in common.

First, we are both Eds. (And I guess that counts for something.)

Next we are both American originals.

I won't go into all my history. That will come out later as I start uploading my story.

But good ol' Ed Poe. Now here is a REALLY famous guy.

Let's start with the biggie: He is the only American write to create a new form of literature. Think about that while you read Ed's biography.

Edgar Allan Poe was born on this date in 1809 in Boston. (That's right, just two more years and we can celebrate the 100th anniversary of his birth.)

While famous to many high school students for his tales of terror such as "The Pit and The Pendulum" and "The Mask of the Red Death," Poe was famous is his time as a poet.

He was orphaned at the age of three and handed off to his godfather, John Allan in Richmond, VA. Allan never adopted Poe but Poe did take his godfather's surname.

Poe attended school in England and later the University of Virginia at Charlottesville, VA. (BTW, this is the school created and designed by Thomas Jefferson. And the school has preserved his room for all to see. See left.) After less than a year Poe's debts and the unwillingness of Allan to help him out, Poe was bounced from UVA. Poe went to West Point and again got tossed out. This time because he ran out of money -- Allan had cut him off -- and because he broke some of the Army academy's rules, he got tossed out of that school.

In a kind of creepy move he married his 13-year old cousin Virginia Clemm while working in Richmond as an editor.

He lost that job because of drinking. (Now do you know why I think he came by to visit my jug and not me?)

He and his wife moved to Philadelphia and wrote many of his most famous short stories including "The Fall of the House of Usher" and "The Tell-Tale Heart."

Around this time is when he created a new form of literature. Here is the clue to the genre he created: the stories were "The Murders in the Rue Morgue" and "The Purloined Letter."

After a move to New York Poe hit the big time with his famous poem "The Raven."

The death of his wife in 1847 led Poe to drink even more as well as experimenting with drugs.

In 1849 he returned to Richmond and began to straighten out his act. He was getting ready to marry an old flame. He went to New York to settle some old business and on his way back to Richmond stopped off in Baltimore. While in "Charm City" he had a bit too much to drink at a party. (Some reports include that he was also doped up.) Three days after the party he was found face down in a gutter in a delirium.

He died October 7, 1849 in a Baltimore hospital having never recovered. He was 40 years old. His last poem, "Annabell Lee" was published after his death and is considered by many academics as one of his best love poems.

His grave site in Baltimore is visited each year for his birthday and the anniversary of his death. I understand that once again this year a caped figure came to the grave site and left a rose and bottle of cognac.

So, have you figured out what literature genre Poe created?

Fifty years before Sherlock Holmes Poe created the detective story. In the first Holmes story, Arthur Conan Doyle had to give a nod to the Poe creation C. Auguste Dupin, a private investigator who used logic to solve crimes.

It was in the third and last of the Dupin stories, "The Purloined Letter," that the phrase "hiding something in plain sight" became popular.

In honor of Poe's contribution to literautre, the award for the best mystery novel is called an "Edgar."

One last thing, read the short story "The Gold Bug." It is not about horror or death but rather about cryptology and pirate treasure. A real fun short read.

A few more things about POE at the following web sites:

• Read more about Poe at http://bau2.uibk.ac.at/sg/poe/.
• Visit the Poe Society in Baltimore.
• "Knowing Poe" from Maryland Public Broadcasting. (A great site.)
• The Poe Museum in Richmond. (This is a fun site. While in Richmond you can also visit the same church where Patrick Henry gave his "Give me liberty or give me death" speech. Poe's mother is buried in that churchyard.)
• The Raven Society at the University of Virginia
  
• And lastly, visit the Poe house in Philidaelphia. The place is run by the National Park Service.
  

Jan. 16 -- An anniversary of a sad day in history

I was just sitting here relaxing with my bottle of hootch and comtemplating the world when I realized something was wrong about today.

I mean here it is January 16, 2007. The temperature is at near record highs. I am not being abused or ignored. I have a nice table to rest on and watch the world go by.

Life is good.

But something about today is not right.

Then it hit me. Today marks the 88th anniversary of one of the darkest days in American history: Prohibition took effect this day in 1919.

Why anyone would think that passing legislation based on a narrow idea of what is right or wrong would work is beyond me.

Just think of all the bad things that came out of this "forced morality." Thanks to Prohibition we got the Mafia instead of a bunch of local gangs. Corruption ran rampant across the country and -- because so many people ignored the law -- we started a nationwide trend of ignoring laws we didn't like.

But this is all a debate for the politicians.

All I know is that Elmira is not smiling because of her new holiday ribbon. And I was not kept warm during those cold desert nights by snuggling up to Elmira.

Oh, and for the history buffs, the country finally came to its senses in 1933 when the 21st Amendment was passed. So let us celebrate December 5 -- the date the 21st Amendment was ratified -- as a day of freedom and liberation.

The party - January 6, 2007

It was a hell of an event last night.

About 100 people filed past Elmira and me the afternoon and evening of January 6. The party must have included 100 people during its scheduled five hours. (Of course, it's not like the five hour rule really held firm and hard.)

The reason I was able to see everyone who came in for the party was because my foster family wisely put the bar near me. I say wisely because I am sure my steely gaze and wizened face kept more than one person for imbibing too much of the fruit of the grape (or hops, or sour mash, etc.) I saw there was even a bowl of non-alcoholic eggnog. Who would ever consider such a sacrilege but it was popular with the pregnant women, with the guys trying to cut back on their drinking, and with the kids. So I guessed it worked. Of course the eggnog was so rich I could hear arteries hardening from across the room with every sip.

I would have loved to show you pictures of the event but it seems in the rush to meet everyone and to make sure people had plenty of food and drink, no one took any pictures.

My life story -- or as much as is available -- was put next to me and a number of people stopped to read. Also throughout the night I heard brief -- and sometimes slanderous -- reports of my history and the unsual places I've been. (I still have fond memories of the dump. It was the only time I really classed up a place -- or so I have heard.)

One very nice young couple came by and read the whole history and asked many questions about my history and how I get from home to home. I was told that this young couple could soon be my next foster family. I seem to remember however that there is a generational rule about where I go. I hope this rule changes soon. I have been hanging out with so many old people that I am beginning to look young. I need youth and vitality if I am going to survive through the eons.

Anyway, back to the party.

The crowd was interesting. Had a lot of diplomats from the United States attending. And amazingly enough not one of them was drinking sherry or eating watercress sandwiches. (Not that either was being offered.) A handful of journalists were there. (They seemed to spend more time at the bar than any other group.) Neighbors showed up. People claiming to have known my foster family for more than 30 years stopped by. And then others that were hard to catagorize but no one was throwing them out so they must have belonged there.

Some of the discussions around me were pretty interesting.

The fine art of making a margarita was discussed and demonstrated at length. Some one, I think a former economist at the International Monetary Fund, commented on the numbers of words men and women use in the course of a normal day. That set off a few guys and gals around the room. That discussion went on for more than an hour -- maybe longer -- with an ever changing cast of characters.

As people drifted in and out of the room I could see lots of food. Now the food was nothing Elmira and I ever saw in our travels but I heard people telling each other what was available.

There was the standard turkey breast and ham. (I heard this was ordered from a nearby meat shop.) Then there was sata, Thai beef salad, egg rolls, fresh Vietnamese spring rolls, beef-pork fritters, lots of fruits and vegetables. And tons and tons of cookies and cakes.

Some of the sweets were gifts from the party guests but the hliday cookies, choclate chip cookies and the brownies were all made by Minia. She made all the regular food as well. (I guess she has been with my family for a while. I remember meeting her in October and her being the only one in the car the day I came to this house who showed any concern for my well being.)


So now the holiday decorations will come down and the house will return to a normal routine.

Today -- January 7 -- is the anniversary of my foster family. So they are going out for dinner with a friend. (I guess I will have to just stay home by myself and keep an eye on the sunroom.)

Lastly, I head today that part of my history will soon be posted here, so check back later.

The Latest Chapter - January 2007

Let's make it clear: I never wanted to move. I liked where I was. But sometime in October of 2006 I got pushed off on the latest of my foster homes.

It may look as if I am a happy fellow here but this is far from the truth. I was unceremoniously kept in a drafty and often damp garage. Officially I was told this was just a temporary situation until my new foster parents could find "an appropriate place" for us to sit.

I knew what they were really thinking. More than once I heard comments such as, "Maybe this IS the appropriate place." And "Maybe we can put this box in the basement closet."

At least no one suggested taking us to the town dump. (Been there. Done that.)

Needless to say Elmira and I were really tempted to jump ship and find a more appreciative family.

Then I started hearing that we would be the centerpiece of a big party to be held January 5, 2007. Our spirits lifted and we began to anticipate the party.

We had heard about these parties. It seems this family has been doing this for 22 years and each year there is so much food and drink that it eclipses the food and drink situation in many developing countries.

As the party date came nearer, Elmira and I remained in the garage. Maybe we were being forgotten.

AGAIN!

Then suddenly our box was moving and without one drink I had a lampshade on my head. (They do things differently in Washington.) We got placed on a beautiful teak serving table in a sunroom with plenty of light.

This is more like it.

We may not be in the entrance way, where a tasteful stud like me should always be, at least we are out of the garage and help light up an otherwise dark room at night.

We started to get nervous again when we noticed that the so-called sunroom looked more like a glass-enclosed storage room.

Once again providence came to our rescue. All the stored stuff got moved out. Some, I heard was headed for a charity and other things got distributed around the house and into basement storage.

Then, and here is the great part, the bar got set up within eye sight. Just across from me is one of the best collections of hootch that I have ever seen. I guess our job is to watch over the drinks to make sure the teenagers don't sneak a shot or two.

And as the party date approached, Elmira got a dressing up. And, as you can see, she and I are very happy about the situation.

I'll let you know how the party goes and how well this family treats me. I keep hearing I will be getting a passport. That ought to be fun. Then maybe I can visit my relatives in New Mexico.

I'll also keep asking my foster family to get my history posted here so that everyone will learn more about my fascinating history.